i turned 32 some 20 days ago. july 2 came and went without much fanfare. apart from it being a school day, you kinda stop trying to put together something for yourself at 25. i lit several candles at the redemptorist church in the morning for thanksgiving, then had a wonderful lunch with close friends K, N, and andi-san at cafe sarree. their salpicao and lasagna are the best i have tried so far.
thirty two. wow. as they say, lampas na sa kalendaryo. it doesn’t bother me though. i am more distracted by my ballooning tummy than my age. haha. when you’re busy chasing
after your children after your dreams, and hoping that it’s not yet too late to achieve something…notable…in this lifetime, every birthday, it seems, becomes a deadline. a deadline you celebrate. at least for me. and my husband.
i don’t make annual goals. i have these huge goals swimming in my head, surfacing sometimes at inopportune times, like when i am watching a relatable movie, or reading a passage in a book. now i think i have to set yearly goals, and achieve them before my birthday every year. sounds like a tall order? it should be.
now that i am a work-at-home mom (and i am not even home most of the time sheesh) and i am given this huge bloke of time that i feel like i have to fill with work, activities for the kids and the whole family, there’s this pressure to make every hour count.
yes, i spend time with my children whenever i can. i bring them to and from school, we make assignments and eat together, talk a bit before bedtime, go out and have fun on some weekends. i think the moments i have solely dedicated to them would be the ones they would remember me by. however, being a mother, despite being the most important title and my highest priority, doesn’t totally define me.
i am also a wife, a daughter, a friend, an employee, and most importantly, i am myself. so these goals i would like to set for myself every year, are basically for my growth as a person. it’s for my own satisfaction, for my own fulfillment. it’s easy to get lost in the daily flurry of things — get the kids ready for school, meet deadlines, pay bills. these things, they never end. i don’t want to get lost.
a few days after my birthday, i bought a notebook and started writing down my daily tasks along with the things i want to do that doesn’t overlap with all my other responsibilities. do i go to law school when ico turns 4? should i pursue higher studies? should i whine to my sister about the business i want to start with her until she gives in? i tell you. the list goes on forever.
one thing stood out though. but i can’t tell you about it right now. no, i am not going back to school. at least, not yet. it’s something that i have been inspired to explore since i joined techtalks.ph. i am blessed that i found a mentor who immediately said yes, as well as a husband who pushes me out of my comfort zone. this project still has a loooooong way to go but the most important thing is that i have taken the first step.
i have never looked at my life this way until late last year when the struggles were all too real. i told myself there should be more to it than taking care of the children, being a dutiful wife, delivering work assignments on time, and making money to pay dues and bills and tuition fees. life anyway isn’t only meant to be lived going through all the motions. it should be embraced fully and passionately, while giving back in the perfect ways we know how.
so yes, this is what 32 feels like — exhausting yet promising.