…the conscious effort to make a follow through though, that’s the tougher job.
like this blogging thing. it’s such a shame how i went from posting twice a day (read my 2007 posts! must be all the angst fuelling me to murder my keyboard) to nothing in a month.
it’s certainly not for the lack of things to blog about. i have a gazillion of wonderful beauty products worth sharing with you, but instead of logging into my site to write an in-depth (!) review of how i love these inexpensive flormar and golden rose lipsticks for example, i, instead, post my thoughts on instagram where it only takes me less than 50 words to describe stuff.
i know i want to write about my first ever book launch but i am afraid as with all the other things i have absentmindedly shelved in a portion of my brain, i will never come around to doing it.
i have never been good with follow throughs. work-wise, i am trying to, because i need to. when it comes to my personal life though, i am such a failure.
last december, i started working out again. loving how i feel so light and refreshed, i kept at it for, like, four weeks. when we went home to negros for the holidays, i put it off. as you guessed it, i still haven’t worn my rubber shoes until now.
book 2 of As the Night Ends was slated for 1Q 2016. with the way things are going right now, i am lucky if i can get it out by the 2Q. again, it’s not for the lack of material to write (the outline looks good, i even have a few dialogues written down), it’s the…stop button…to stop slacking off that i don’t have the energy to press.
it’s also not for lack of support and motivation. i have people telling me they cannot wait for book 2. they’re mostly friends so i am not sure if they’re just taking me out for a ride but well, let me tell you friends, that i take all of the things you tell me about my work seriously. serious enough that i get excited to start it whenever you send me a message asking about my characters, but apparently, not that serious that i will hurriedly grab my laptop and write chapter after chapter. it’s me, not you.
oh yes, just like monday mornings, all i have to do is drag myself out of bed, sit front of my laptop and force my fingers to start typing whatever shit until i get my groove back, you say. better said than done though, i tell you.
i tell myself i am running out of weekends to start it. i beat myself up every sunday night, regretting how i didn’t use the day to be productive rather than parking myself on our couch watching netflix the whole day. not that there’s something wrong with watching netflix all day. it’s me, not netflix, i am sure.
i know this is a cycle i have to stop: wanting to start something – doing said something for weeks, or even months – pausing said something for some reason – slacking off – feeling bad about it – wanting to restart that something – slacking off – feeling bad about it. lather, rinse, repeat.
so i thought of this: i will only devote my week/work days to anything work- or book-related. i can write until 11 pm, which is my sleeping time anyway. i can work out before i start to write. or write on MWFs, and work out on TTh.
why, you ask. weekdays exhaust me. very much. however, my mind (and body) is wired to do a lot of things on weekdays: drive the kids to and from school, work, run errands, etc etc. so i am counting on the fact that i expect to put on different hats from mondays to saturdays – mother, employee, errand girl, driver – therefore the need to boost the energy levelz to be all these things.
more energy = more things are likely to get done.
weekends, on the other hand, will be for rest and recreation — binge-watching my favorite TV series, eating out, sleeping in, reading. no reading on weekdays anymore, unless i fall into a slump. which is normal anyway. i am crossing my fingers this will work.
i am feeling positive because i actually finished this blog post. haha. you should see how many unfinished posts i have in my drafts folder.
so no more new year’s resolutions to blog more, exercise more, be whatever more. it’s not even to start being this and that because in all honestly, it has never been the problem anyway.
it’s the “keep on keeping on” that needs a lot of work. and that’s what 2016 will be: keeping on until we see the finish line.
here’s to great beginnings. or rather, here’s to seeing the end of every wonderful new beginning.